i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
