Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize