It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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