Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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