My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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