I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize