I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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