the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
