just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
