I just saw a hot homeless man
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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