Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize