hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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