so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
