After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize