you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
