we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
