I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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