ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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