Will you blow on my dice?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
