i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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