Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
