Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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