Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
