Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I cut my penus on the lid.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
