Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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