Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
don't judge my taste in strippers
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
