I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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