If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
