whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
