If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
