how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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