Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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