That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
