The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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