any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
