Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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