I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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