Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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