This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
