i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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