was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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