Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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