So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
