if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
