do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
