Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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