I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
