you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
