Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
