2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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