I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
