Apparently you make a good broom.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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