you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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