Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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