We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize