well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize