I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
