elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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