I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
