please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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