so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
