that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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