Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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