You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
