i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish i was in the wii world.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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