Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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