I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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